An Excerpt From Liang Xiaosheng's Book

This excerpt from Chinese writer Liang Xiaosheng's (梁晓声) book 自白 (Self Confession, Jingji Ribao Publishing Press, 1997) somehow echoes what I am feeling right now.

"我感到自己仿佛是坐在一辆疾驶着的车上. 目标是确定了的, 车速也是绝不会因人的意志而改变的. 每一辆从车旁闪过的树, 都是我的一个日子. 每一个从车旁闪过的水泥电线杆, 都是我一个月份. 每一块从车旁闪过的里程碑, 都是我的一个年头. 我的日子我的月份我的年头, 不停地朝后闪, 闪了便永远不再属我拥有. 我以任何方式在任何一地都绝无可能再从新找回它们! 哪怕是它们的某些碎片, 某些残骸, 或某些浮光掠影!"

(I feel as if I am riding in a car that is in rapid motion. The direction has been decided upon, and the car speed will not be changed on anyone's whim. Every tree that I passed by in the car represents every day of my life. Every electrical pole I passed by represents every month of my life. Every milestone that I passed by represents every year of my life. My days, months and years are rapidly disappearing behind me. Once they disappear. they no longer belong to me. No matter how and where, I can never retrieve them again! Not even some broken pieces, not even some fragments, and not even some flickering light or shadowy images."