North Korean Jokes

The following jokes were translated from a Chinese newspaper published in the DC metropolitan area. So Mr. ECP Flintstone, whatever you do, do not shoot the messenger, like you did about the Ethiopian joke!

1. A North Korean caught a big fish from the river and happily went home and told his wife "look, we can have fried fish for dinner!"
Wife: "But we have no oil."
Husband: "Then we'd cook it!"
Wife: "But we have no pot."
Husband: "Then we'd grill it!"
Wife: "But we have no firewood."
Frustrated, the North Korean walked back to the river and threw the fish back into the water.
The fish first circled and then raised its head out of the water. While raising its right gill, the fish shouted "Long Live Kim Jong-il!"

2. In the art museum was a painting depicting Adam and Eve.
An English saw it and said: "They must be English - when the man has something delicious, he'd want to share it with the lady."
A French saw it and said: "They must be French - a couple strolling around naked."
A North Korean saw it and said: "They must be North Koreans - they have no clothes, have little to eat, but yet think they are in paradise."

3. Kim Jong-il toured a pig farm and decided to have a photograph taken with a herd of pigs.
When the photo had to be published, a newspaper editor tried very hard to think of a caption.
"Comrade Kim Jong-il together with pigs?" Hmm, no good.
"Pigs together with Comrade Kim Jong-il?" Hmm, no good either.
When the photograph was eventually published, the caption read: "Third from left is Comrade Kim Jong-il."

4. An English, a French and a North Korean were chatting.
The English said: "The happiest thing in life is to return home on a cold winter night, change into woollen clothes, and sit in front of the fireplace."
The French said: "You English are so boring. The happiest thing in life is to have a good time with a blond at a Mediterranean holiday resort, and then part ways amicably."
The North Korean said: "The happiest thing in life is when someone knocks on your door at midnight and said "Kim Lee Park, you are under arrest", and you tell the person "Sorry, you have made a mistake, Kim Lee Park lives next door."

5. Kim Jong-il was having a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin. During a break, both men started to compare the loyalty of their bodyguards.
Putin summoned his bodyguard into the meeting room, opened the 20th floor window and said: "Ivan, jump!"
Ivan cried and said: "How can you ask me to do this, Mr. President? I have a wife and kids..."
Putin was moved to tears and said he was wrong to have made the request.
Next, Kim Jong-il summoned his bodyguard into the meeting room, opened the 20th floor window and said: "Lee Myong-wan, jump!"
Without a word, Lee prepared to jump.
Putin grabbed hold of Lee and said: "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"
Lee struggled and said: "You fool, let me go! I still have a wife and kids!"